Jasmine Hart

Of course you can! That's great, Stella, thanks a mil.

I really like the last line. It's very fresh and powerful. Though, I think this would work better without the rhyming couplets. Maybe try lengthening it and use a different ...

This is really great, Lizzy. Your tone is great, your rhythm is great, all the little details are great. I wish I could be more helpful, but I really can't ...

Sucky? Are you joking? This is brilliant! I love the detail, and the flow is great. I especially like; "And I remember wondering why I wanted to be like the ...

This is really beautiful, and the flow is very good. I'd change "today" to "tonight", as it makes more sense, and would sound better, I think. I love; "You are ...

This is lovely. You channeled your emotions well, and the flow is very good. I'd change: "When I saw you I got butterflies When I wasn't around you I felt ...

The flow here is very good, but, as has been said, punctuation would be good. If you're unsure as to how to go about this, try saying it aloud, and ...

I like what you're saying here, and you express yourself well. I think some of your rhythm is a bit off, and this disrupts the flow of the poem. Try ...

Willow, Violet, Holly, Fern and Briar are five sisters living in a grand house with vast grounds. Their mother Marguerite was found dead, slumped over the kitchen table two days ...

This looks interesting. I'm torn between Mallory and Clarisse...Think I'd like Clarisse, if that's alright...does she have to be an actual mermaid, or can I just make water associations? Name= ...

Sorry focus isn't very good at the moment. I'll try to make a post before the end of next week, if my concentration comes back. Jas

Thanks Vrta. No, I actually have the whole first draft done. I'm trying to do the second draft at the moment. Though, as you can see, I'm not trying all ...

Lovely, Kit. The flow was beautiful, and I loved the little snippet of dialogue. It really instilled it with life. Sometimes your rhyming made your phrasing a bit odd e.g; ...

I like your use of enjambment, I think it worked really well with your theme. I'd cut the comma between "door" and "hand." Maybe try "Led by a hand through ...

Hekate made some good points. I'll try not to repeat her. I'd cut the third and fourth lines of the first stanza and find something new to say as the ...